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about

A song about cheese, and Doctor Who - as are they all. This is from the perspective of Barbara and/or Ian, those early adventurers. The comments on Marinus are surely Babs, but Sir Ian is the one more likely to describe things as 'incredible'.

The first version of this song sounded too, too English, so I rerecorded it in the manner of Auntie Em. Hopefully this won't mar the record from its outset.

lyrics

After Earth, I feared a dearth
Of stilton, sweet and clean,
But Unearthly Cheese
Tastes however you please
From the TARDIS food machine.

I go wild for mature or mild,
Red Leicester, blue cheese green.
An Unearthly Cheese
Tastes however you please
From the TARDIS food machine.

The food machine (so many flavours)!
The food machine (those cheesy quavers)!
The food machine (so won’t you save a slice for me)!
Cheddar, marscapone, feta, cheshire, Philadelphia, brie!

The Cheese of Marinus, fit for a baroness,
On your TV screen.
An Unearthly Cheese
Tastes how you please
From the TARDIS food machine.

The food machine (a hearty portion)!
The food machine (no need for caution)!
The food machine (no cost, extortion, price or fee)!
Cheddar, marscapone, feta, cheshire, Philadelphia, Wensleydale!

I mentioned the Cheese of Marinus,
Let me tell you more:
A continent at war!
We had to fill the cheeseboard and
We had to beat the Voord,
But the final bit was a counterfeit,
And the monsters were destroyed!

If you want Cheese with holes on Marco Poles,
Or Kublai Khan Cuisine,
An Unearthly Cheese
Tastes however you please
in the TARDIS food machine.

The food machine (Until The Chase)!
The food machine (We travelled Space)!
The food machine (The human race, we’re absentees)!
Cheddar, marscapone, feta, cheshire, Philadelphia, cheese!

One bite bacon, another bite eggs:
it’s incredible, that’s edible.

In the odd debris of a junkyard we
Found adventure unforeseen:
An unearthly cheese
Tastes however you please
In the TARDIS food machine!

credits

from Time and Relative Digressions on Cheese, released June 30, 2015

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Ben Swithen image

Ben Swithen Sheffield, UK

Ben Swithen is a person.

Here you can find their music - solo work, and a Doctor-Who- and-Cheese double-concept concept-album by The Potential Bees (who are a two- or three- person band), which forces both concepts into every song).

You can also find Ben Swithen on Youtube, but why would you even? ... more

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