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The Phantom Piper of McCrimmon

from Time and Relative Digressions on Cheese by The Potential Bees

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about

'Scotland Scotland Uber Alles', as they say. The brief and confusing dialogue about the Phantom Piper of McCrimmon is surely the most interesting thing about 'The Moonbase', and it always leaves me wishing the story was more ghostly and less about space-beverages.

Since I play the recorder, that Troughtonest of instruments, it made sense to make his track a gentle Scottish folk-song, but (despite being an accordionist) I don't really like folk-music, hence whatever this is.

This is probably the fourth or fifth patriotic Scottish song I've written during this decade, and I'm not even Scottish.

lyrics

Let me tell you all the tale
Of the Piper of McCrimmon.
Who made the menfolk wail,
And angered all the women.
He piped the cheese straight off the shelf
Of pantry and of store:
Our Drumloch and our Inverness,
We never saw them more.

Let me tell you all the tale
Of the Piper of McCrimmon.
Who made the menfolk wail,
And angered all the women.
He made his base in Brigadoon;
He sought to do me ill.
We met again upon the moon,
I tussled with him still

Let me tell you all the tale
Of the Piper of McCrimmon.
Who made the menfolk wail,
And angered all the women.
I saw he was a metal man,
He didnae have a kilt on.
He had no tartan and no clan;
He’ll never get ma stilton.

Let me tell you all the tale
Of the Piper of McCrimmon.
Who made the menfolk wail,
And angered all the women.
I hoped that we could make him fly.
For Crowdie Cheese, I dared!
And now he’s dancing in the sky
And I’m McCrimmon’s Laird!

Scotland, Scotland, Scotland, Scotland,
Scotland, Scotland, Scottish Scotland.

credits

from Time and Relative Digressions on Cheese, released June 30, 2015

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Ben Swithen image

Ben Swithen Sheffield, UK

Ben Swithen is a person.

Here you can find their music - solo work, and a Doctor-Who- and-Cheese double-concept concept-album by The Potential Bees (who are a two- or three- person band), which forces both concepts into every song).

You can also find Ben Swithen on Youtube, but why would you even? ... more

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